DYING CONVERSATION

My posts this week to my group Quantum Leap for Women have been focused on what we would do differently with greater self confidence.

Now I never post what I don’t follow myself or ask of others questions I wouldn’t ask myself and one question had me think as I wrote it this week … If you had greater confidence, would you do what you really wanted to do and refuse to conform to the opinions of others?  My mind went to death and dying – yes I know this sounds strange and stay with me here.  See if I am able to explain it to you.

As much as I am passionate about creating choices and confidence for change, creating a life we love, I am equally passionate about death and dying! My earliest memories of death take me back to our family marae, sleeping next to my Nanny’s coffin, surrounded by family, listening to the old ladies wailing.  For most of my childhood and into my teens, our immediate family remained relatively unaffected by death and then from when my babies were born, we began to face successive deaths of those close to us.

In general, my family are very open about dying, we talk about it, we include our children in the process, we joke about it (sometimes extremely inappropriately to an outsider), we fight about it, in general we air all emotions and beliefs that are entangled with this topic.  In the eight weeks a brain tumour took my dad from diagnosis to death I learnt even more and saw that how we dealt with the whole spectrum of death and dying was very different to how others do.  Now I’m not saying here there is a right or wrong to how others deal with it, I simply want you to see how my passion for creating confident choices is not only related to how we live our lives, it is also so closely related to death and dying.

In my journey to open up my own world following my dad’s death, I began to research and dig a little deeper and what I found is that people from around the globe do not like talking about this topic.  Many felt free to talk to me about their beliefs and their desires and yet remained fearful of having that conversation with those that really mattered to them.  Parents don’t want to worry their children. Children are reluctant to bring up a subject so intimate.  A conspiracy of silence pervades as everyone thinks, it’s inappropriate, it’s not the right time, it’s too soon to speak about death – until, it’s too late!

Too often I observed a battle amongst family members and friends arguing bitterly about “what ….. would want” when none of them actually know, simply because the person never shared their wishes or ideas.  The opportunity was never created to have the conversation.  So many remained ignorant of what options were available to them.  So many regretted decisions made during times of death, simply because they didn’t know any better.

So many have stories about losing someone close. About what it was like to have the conversation. About not having the conversation and it being, too late.  In my mission to create space for choice and confidence, to creating a life we love I believe a better world can also be created by encouraging people to have honest discussions with their loved ones about how they want to spend their last days before it’s too late, by providing support for people to live more bravely, so we can all face life and death with a little more wisdom, empathy and understanding.

I would love to get people talking about this subject and create different ways to initiate conversation so that wishes and ideas can be shared in an open accepting environment (where possible).  And it’s not all doom and gloom, open conversations most often produce stronger emotional connection and bring everyone closer in the present, creating more acceptance, less regret!

The message I want is for everyone to know they have choices and have the confidence to move through both life and death, knowing they have choices and not be simply manoeuvred by fear and mainstream thinking, whatever that may be. I believe expressing how you want the end of your life to reflect what you choose, as a wonderful gift you can give those who live on. A gift, that they have been part of the choice, part of the conversation, leaving less room for doubt and regret.  A true gift!

And how to do it?  I’m still working on that – today I start with sharing my thoughts.  What do you think?  Feel free to comment.

 

What you want most is riding on you finding the courage to confidently make change and take chances. Book a 20-minute discovery session with me to see how I can help you build your confidence, create change and begin living the life you desire. Book a discovery session here and join my Facebook group Quantum Leap for Women

 

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